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katharismós
wennaaa.bs
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why, God?
Monday, March 25, 2013
where has my motivation gone to? it seems to be unreachable, playing hide-and-seek with me. it's MBTs next week and I've not been studying much. I've been trying my best to get the motivation to just get down to work but I get overwhelmed by stress and fatigue every time. lots of problems i'm facing at the moment - church, school, personal life. despite all these problems, I don't like to show or share these burdens with my close friends or cell. I would prefer to just keep these things to myself and keep asking God - why this, why that? everything has not been going smoothly for me and i'm desperate to find my haven, my refuge, my comfort in all these madness. well, that's just the stressful life of a J2 I guess. it's not just me, but most of my friends are facing these times of trials and difficulties. the ones who succeed are those who can push these troubles aside and just work harder than the rest of the pack. I always want to be that person but the end result is me just resting cos i'm too exhausted. what's my purpose in life, God? I keep asking that, but I don't get any reply (well at least I feel I don't). would You take away all my worries and stress? would You be the one who can bring me out of this hot mess? you know, people always say, "just give all your burdens and problems to God! He will help you." but, it is not like He is able to make things easier, but He is the one that walks you through it. That's all. sometimes I feel that even without God, I will be going through the same thing. correct me if i'm wrong. i'm just too tired right now, and I find it tough to talk to a God who doesn't really answers my prayers and He does not leave me any hints on how I should live my life. I just keep asking Him questions, and its frustrating to get no response each time. alright, my life hasn't been all that bad. there's the brighter side to things too! i'm always thankful for the people in my class who helped me to get through the tough times in school :) they are the people who never left me and helped me got through the ups and downs. i'm forever grateful and they are truly the genuine friends whom i'll treasure the most! also, this week I've decided to go and visit my brother working in tiong bahru bakery @ raffles city. it was my first time there and it was so interesting to see him work so hard! didn't know gorden was working there too haha, such a pleasant surprise. anyway, proceeded to buy my lunch - 2 pastries and a cup of hot chocolate. all for $10 (including staff discount by gorden - thanks!). expensive lunch!! but it was a great experience, because I talked to 2 men from the US who came over and sat at my table. it was eye-opening to listen to their opinions about what they felt about Singapore and the difference between the US and Singapore. there was this old man in particular, who was local but migrated to the US 50 years ago. he was telling me the difference in mindset between US men and Singaporean men, and he was advising me to get a guy who would give me his whole salary and manage it for him. hmm, never really thought about it since i'm STILL young but it definitely got me thinking on what kind of guy I would want to be with in the future. I just love talking to people and listen to their thoughts on certain issues. quite shiok, next week only have a 2 day week, which are my exam days. double paper on each day! revision hasn't been great but i'm just gonna give it my best I guess. try not to fail. come on, I can do it :) Posted by wen xin at 12:06 AM
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