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katharismós
wennaaa.bs
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Thank you God
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Just when I felt I was useless and worthless, I was called back to God. The past few months.. was really tough. I heard many things happening to my family members which was hurtful. People leaving me. Left alone. Discouraged. All these emotions that guarded my heart and I could not comprehend anything that happened. Why? I don't understand why these things have to happen. I left these emotions there and continued with my life, attempting to understand why God had to let it happen. I didn't find any answer. I continued to be discouraged and felt my passion for life, not even for God, just dimming. I was just upset and my heart was unsettled. I did not go for church service for quite awhile, after results I went into hiding as well. I went to my friend's church for one sunday, not go at all on another. I was unhappy. But I had no mentor to guide me, or give me advice. I prayed many times, but received no response. Finally, I believe the breakthrough came yesterday. Somehow I decided to come for a youth service specially for leaders. I'm glad that I did. In my heart, I told God, "Just do what You want. I am exhausted and I feel like a piece of worthless crap." When the praise and worship started, led by Alarice, I was already welling up. I felt the familiar feeling of God's love in my life again, and it has been awhile since I've experienced that. Certain songs particularly touched my heart, "In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of Your great love". I was tearing. Calvin preached to us and his testimony was very touching, from almost committing suicide to becoming a useful tool in building the house of God in Singapore. How wonderful to hear how God transforms lives! He preached about us leaders to remember to draw from the source to prevent burnout. In order to do that, we will need to go to our upper room and be desperate for God. He then asked for people who needed God to renew their faith to go up to the altar. Of course, I went up without even thinking. Standing there, soaking in the presence and observing the people around me. They were weeping and crying out for God. Me? I was telling God all my insecurities until Calvin prayed for me. This was really a special moment to remember. The first thing he said was "God is so pleased with you. He is smiling at you." I was taken aback. I was in total shock. I was doubting everything for so long and He is pleased with me? I started crying. Never in a million years would I believe that God is happy with me. He then said that I would do something with my singing, singing new songs was what I heard but it was so amazing to hear that. I've always doubted my singing, comparing myself to others, but for God to reassure me was wonderful. The last thing he said, was to pray for boldness for me. I had been timid for the past few months, afraid of what people think of me so I did not dare to take up roles. This was spot on, and I felt enlightened. This was the affirmation I needed and I prayed hard for. I felt incredibly blessed yesterday and receiving a prophetic word was a first in my life. Now, I feel secure in God's love, just like how a baby feel so safe in the arms of her mother. I do not worry about where I am going, to which university and blah blah, but I love the feeling of just being in the good hands of God. He has broken through all the sadness in me, and filled me in His love again. Thank you God, I am happy now :) Posted by wen xin at 8:50 PM
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