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katharismós
wennaaa.bs
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thoughts
Thursday, June 21, 2018
I've been in this state of reflecting a lot lately. I used to be like this ALL the time, but working full-time for 1 year whilst studying has definitely developed me to be more in-the-moment rather than to always dwell in the past. It's a good development, I feel that I have more freedom to be in the present in comparison to me 1-2 years ago when I was just SO self-conscious and was so affected by every little thing seriously. I like it that I get to see the bigger picture in situations (still learning, definitely!) and to take things, or life rather, more easily. One important lesson learnt was that not all mistakes have to hold me back, working life has definitely taught me a lot about myself. I guess because I have 11 days to the start of work.. my mind is just reminiscing a lot about my journey as I enter a new stage of life. By the way, I've secured a job in Citibank (where I did my internship but different department) by the grace of God really! Getting this job was not by luck, I choose to think that I'm blessed. Let's us go back to the start of this month, shall we? This month was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. After a short 2-3 days trip to Malacca after my exams, I remember vividly that it was only 2nd or 3rd day of unemployment and I felt so down. I was feeling so jittery and nervous about my employment and about my future. "Will I get a job?" "With so many people competing with me, I don't think I'll stand a chance." "When will I be able to pay off my debt?" It was insane. My mind was basically in this mode pretty much everyday, and my parents were telling me not to worry so much. I think they were worried that I was constantly in this state. So, how did I managed to get this job? I'll date this WAY back to when I was doing my first internship with OCBC in 2016. Basically, I introduced my friend in for the next batch of interns and it was one of her batchmates that recommended me into this job. Pretty insane, I would say - because if I didn't introduce my friend into OCBC, I probably wouldn't have secured this job today. It's amazing how God works. And before I secured this job, I was logged into jobstreet every single day, refreshing to see if there's new jobs for me to apply and if there were any companies that viewed my application. Now that I no longer have to, my heart is so thankful. If there's anyone who's still looking for a job, please do not give up! Your turn WILL come soon, I'm sure. Now that I'll soon start work, I'm cherishing every bit of time I have left to be productive and focus on things dear to me. I posted on my Instagram story that I wanted to bake more - and if there was anyone who wanted a cake can get one from me at an affordable price. I'm glad that there are actually orders, yknow? I'm baking a lot more than I used to, and it feels GREAT when I get to freestyle in baking and do what I love. I realized that I'm much more relaxed when it's not profit-driven and I get to explore things I've always wanted. This month made me wonder, can you truly make your hobby into a living? Hahaha. Anyway, I'll post pictures here after I'm done with all of them :) Oh, can you believe I'm going to be interviewed by a friend for a secondary school magazine about my baking?! Goodness. I'm not even professional!!! There're SO many other home bakers out there who're much much more talented than I am. But I'm thankful. AND, I'll be doing more singing in the next 2 months, choral singing to be exact. It's been a good 2 years of not singing and I'm pretty excited to go back! I feel so honoured that Mr Toh asked me every year if I want to be part of a competition team or raffles singers to perform. I mean, he has SO many students and I guess it's a huge honour that he thinks I'm good enough to be asked back every year keke. I wasn't able to commit to performing last year due to work, but this year I'm glad I'll be able to. It's been a long long while. Every performance with Mr Toh has been so memorable, and it reminds me of why I love singing: that intrinsic reward in my heart whenever I do my best for the audience. That feeling - nothing can beat it. But well, it's gonna be interesting since I've been doing more contemporary singing lately. I wonder if I will ever reach my goal I set for myself this year? Hehe, contemporary singing is not my forte in fact I have a love-hate relationship with it LOL. It's still taking first place as my biggest insecurity damn. Hopefully I'll get good at it someday. Didn't realise that I've written so much in 10-20 minutes. I shall leave the rest of my thoughts for another day. Gotta go back to creaming my cake, bye! Posted by wen xin at 10:26 PM
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